Metallica Is Trolling Us All
Somewhere in the world of metal... St. Anger is laughing it's ass off.
...And I thought Metallica's performance couldn't get any worse than [Rock in Rio]. I honestly don't know where to start on how painfully AWFUL this song is. If this is a precursor of things to come in the world of Metallica, I say throw in the towel, cancel this album, and run far away from your fans because they are going to be PISSED.
This is a collaboration between the men of Metallica and Lou Reed. If you don't know who Lou Reed is, it's because [his music is also terrible]. Mr. Reed was responsible for "Take a Walk on the Wild Side" and now I'm fairly certain than he'll be responsible for Metallica's bankruptcy. This is half generic metal song and half horrible narrative. Don't believe me? Listen to it...
You know that sound you hear when somebody's blending diarrhea?
I don't understand what Metallica thinks they are accomplishing by doing this. Have they not learned from St. Anger that cheap experimentation is what caused them to become the laughing stock of the big four? And now they're at it again collaborating with an artist that has no business with thrash metal. Hell, he shouldn't even be performing at his age.
There are about 3 different guitar riffs and one steady, annoying
drum beat that drudge on throughout the entirety of the song. Lars finally realized that his relationship with the snare has ended, and so he violently rapes the crash symbol instead. Hetfield
chimes in once in a while to angrily remind the listener that he has the ability to materialize into objects that
could not possibly be embodied by a normal human being. "I AM THE ROOT!
I AM THE PROGREYAAASAH! I AM THE TABLE". Which makes me wonder, if he
can be supposedly trans-morph into anything he wants, you'd think a decent lyricist would have been number one on his list.
As for the 'solo'... My God man, play a different note! For you fellow guitarists out there, I've taken the liberty of tabbing the solo for you. Here it is:
High E string: 12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-
12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-
12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-12-19^. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Most people agree that Metallica's metal days ended with Load and Reload. Even still, they have written a variety of good songs since then, which means that when they really put their efforts together, magic can still be made. But since St. Anger, pretty much everything has been a mess that keeps piling higher and higher.
At this point, I honestly think Metallica is just trolling us for the lulz.
-Jeremy
9/27/2011
